Copyright Claire Fuller
***This is my first contribution to Friday Fictioneers. I welcome your feedback!*** Friday Fictioneers is a weekly flash fiction challenge to create a 100 word story based on a photo prompt and then receive as well as share feedback with writers from around the world. Approx 100 submissions are entered every week.
Revised 2/2/2014 Word count: 99
My heart came down an assembly line. Pounded, burned and forged like steel, buffed and shined by the hands of several lovers through the years.
Although the first dropped it by accident, another did her best to test its tensility like a child would that of an old unwanted toy. Yet another was bent on breaking it beyond recognition…which seemed to take me an eternity to return it to the manufacturer’s specifications.
Actually, none of them ever asked for a design…each just took it and ran. However, the only one of them that really matters never gave it back.
blogged artistry 
Welcome! I’m new to FF too.
This has a strong beginning and an excellent finish. Be careful not to get lost in the middle.
Hey thanks for reading and commenting! Can I edit after receiving feedback during the challenge? Thx again
To quote James Joyce: “Yes, yes, yes, I say, yes.”
And I’ll second that. One of the things I like about this challenge is that you can always edit. Many times I’ve been notified of a typo by a reader or just a better way to say something. Kosher indeed to make changes for the better.
your first line with your heart coming down an assembly line – real creative imagery. welcome to FF! i enjoyed your story very much. thanks ☺
Thanks for reading and commenting!
I loved the analogy here and thought it worked well. I’d take a look at that second paragraph again. Five ‘it/it’s’ in one short para distracts the eye of the reader, halting the flow of what was an impressive piece. Well done, and welcome.
Thanks for reading and commenting Sandra! I wrote it stream of conscious and appreciate the feedback on pitfalls to avoid in the future.
Great piece. Hope to read more of your stuff. I really liked the powerful metaphor you’ve delivered.
Thanks Patrick for reading and commenting! Fri Fictioneers is definitely going to make me step up my game 🙂
Dear Blogged,
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! I must offer a word of caution though. It’s a lot like The Hotel California. “You may check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.”
A powerful analogy, sir. I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank You! Just the Eagles reference will make me stay 🙂
Brilliant analogy! I particularly liked the idea of getting the heart back to manufacturer’s specifications after it’s been broken.
Thanks draliman!
Read my blogs, then write me off! 🙂
Looking at your blog, if I may, I would like to ask your opinion of my blog aesthetically speaking. I’m sticking to simple=better but is it easy for a reader to navigate? I wonder also if I want to link within a post to a series of posts…what’s the best way to do this instead of assuming the reader will scroll from the 1st to last.
I think it looks great, simple is definitely better. I’m fed up with mine TBH but I’ve had it a while. I like the sidebar on mine – a lot of people use it for twitter, categories etc and it’s easier to find than if that’s at the bottom, but a sidebar does clutter it up a bit. Yours looks nice and uncluttered. I like the colours and the text is easy to read.
I don’t know if you have the option for a “follow/subscribe” button? I had to use the WP follow and then switch on “emails instantly” in the Reader.
I’m afraid that’s as far as my technical expertise goes 🙂
Thanks again for reading and commenting. Really interesting that there once was a follow button in the right hand corner that I don’t see now…?…Hmmm…
Welcome to our little band. I loved the analogy too. The last line “the only one that really matters” is priceless.
Thanks for reading and commenting rgayer55. I’m just happy I passed the audition! 🙂
So much great work in this group and I’m reading as many as time allows.
Welcome to Friday Fictioneers. I agree–really strong analogy–and hearts certainly do get battered about during a lifetime, probably never returning to normal. I, too, look forward to more.
janet
Thanks Janet for reading and commenting! This was a great prompt and I’ve enjoyed getting feedback from the collective. I think I’m already hooked 🙂
I enjoyed the story very much. It was a really creative take on the prompt and poetic.
Thanks patriciaruthsusan for liking and commenting! Very glad to be connected with all you Friday Fictioneers 🙂
What a cool take and that too on your debut here-wow!I loved it and funnily,I loved the second para the most-possibly I was more interested in who did what to the heart-being the eternal romantic 😛 Looking forward to reading more from you 🙂
Thanks for reading and commenting atrm61! Really appreciate the encouragement.
A pleasure BA:-)
Fantastic first foray into Friday Fictioneers. I love your first paragraph. It’s all good! Nice job.
And although I gave you a little grief about your Gravatar, I thought it was a hoot!! Some type of little alien or something. The new one works just fine though. 😉
I’m digging the new Gravatar mainly for the thought of the OCD types among us that will try to re-frame the letter “A” so it completely fills the avatar 🙂
Hahaha … I didn’t think about that. It will definitely torture a few people. 🙂
Dear Blogged,
Wanted to stop by and see how things are since it has been a minute or so! Looks good like the page and the new gravatar. Also dig the post…being a call center rep for a cell phone company, the line about manufacturer settings really grabbed me. Interesting perspective on the prompt. As far as my opinion matters…loved the last little paragraph. No one ever really asks for the design, do they???
Thanks for keeping tabs on my blog Meica! It’s encouraging!
Which cell phone company do you work for? I will call in with high praise for your ability to resolve my cell phone related issue (s). 🙂
Thanks again!
Beautifully done. I loved your description of the past lovers and their cruelty towards this poor heart. Loved the last line 😀
Thanks tinkerbelle96 for reading and commenting!
Fab first attempt, you’ll soon be addicted 😉
Thanks helenmidgley for reading and commenting! Glad to be connected with the group.
welcome to FF! wow, such brilliant analogy. well done. wonderful start
Thanks for reading and commenting K.Z.! 🙂