New Year’s Resolution Revelation

You know who we’re talking about…

That person you talk to who isn’t physically there but never leaves. Not one of your constant disembodied, internal voices but that human being you can remember they’re scent and  at times  they feel close enough to touch.

You know who we’re talking about. It’s the person who let you down or the person you wish had stayed longer or even the person you wish you had never encountered. I see you standing in front of the mirror lost in the necessity of your daily routines pausing momentarily to reflect and rehearse in your mind the events that, honestly, could happen tomorrow leading you directly to an inescapable confrontation with that person.

You know who we’re talking about. Did the thought of them make you lose your breath? Did your body get tense? What story would the other person’s face tell? Would they be sullen? Startled? Indifferent? Regardless, would your cheeks go flush? Would your heart rate increase? Would you speak first or wait for them to address you or just divert your eyes and pretend not to see them?

You know who we’re talking about. How often do you think they’ve considered the same scenario? Or are they forever aloof, disrespectful, or even mocking in your version of them? Do you think they’ve remained bitter, missed the good times you shared or altogether forgotten the events that resulted to the end of your relationship?  Or even wonder what might have been?

You know who we’re talking about. You say their name with an involuntary need to explain to them what you really meant to say all those days, months, and years ago.  How different would your tone of voice be? Would the pitch be higher, lower? The volume : louder, softer?

You know who we’re talking about. Did they even hear what you said or just filtered the words from your mouth that they wanted to hear. Did they even give you a chance to explain? Did you threaten you’d leave them knowing you’d regret it the moment the cab arrived but you did it anyway? Did you beg them to stay and promise to change yourself and fix all that had been broken knowing there was little to no chance it would work? Did they take more than they gave? Did you?

You’re not even certain you’ll ever completely reconcile all those  memories. Whose responsibility is it at this point? Would you mourn their loss? Would you empathize with their pain? Do you play back every memory like movies on a flickering tape movie reel? How many nights did they keep you awake? How mornings did they wake you up? How many times do seemingly unrelated events transport you to the precise moment and time of the greatest scenes of your rise and fall? Could it all have been resolved in one long distance phone call? Or a handwritten letter?

You know who we’re talking about…shouldn’t they?

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5 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolution Revelation

  1. We’ve all been there, and as I read this I knew exactly who “we” were talking about. That one person in our past, or perhaps even our present, who we can’t let go of regardless of the relationship or lack there of. I love this 🙂

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